I went to the ACT Center last Wednesday, and started on Chantix. The way it works is, for 3 days you take one a day, and then twice a day after that.
Today is the first day that cigarettes just don’t seem to taste very good. I don’t know if that’s real, or a placebo effect, but either way, I’ll take it.
As for other side effects, I haven’t noticed any except for dreams. I’m one of those people who rarely remember her dreams, so this is definitely new. But it hasn’t been anything disturbing so far.
If I close my eyes, I can see her: an 8 year old girl standing in a one-piece bathing suit, hair wet, cheeks sunburned, a towel thrown over her shoulders. Behind her you can see the dock stretching into the lake, and a Sunfish with its single mast jutting up into the blue sky.
Next to her is a picnic table laden with food, and a partially eaten birthday cake. Crushed wrapping paper in one hand, in the other hand she’s holding a black plastic case, open to show off the Timex watch, her birthday present.
She is flush and happy with a day spent on the lake, mostly on the water, her father teaching her how to sail. And then the cake, the candles and the singing, the first adult gift of her life.
Eyes still closed, I think of my father now, heart weak, lungs no longer able to use the air they struggle to take in, kidneys failing, still and silent only because of the morphine.
That once powerful man is gone, and the brief memories of the arguments, the anger, the accusations and recriminations, the power struggle and the rebellion just don’t matter.
All I can see now, 42 years later, is that 8 year old girl, happy and laughing, having been given the gift of time.
My dad is in the hospital; and he isn’t doing well. This has been going on for a few weeks now really. Nothing new really, the cumulative effects of congestive heart failure & diabetes, and now he’s in renal failure. His sister Virginia, thankfully, has been managing his care, and I’m sure the whole family has been grateful for her; I know I have been. She’s clearly a force to be reckoned with, a woman who, simply, gets things done.
Anyone who knows me knows my relationship with my father has been rocky. Saying I left home at 16 says a lot, but not nearly enough. While my father and I never really resolved anything openly, over the years I’ve gotten enough closure that it was just not important to me anymore.
But knowing how fragile he is now, and not likely to improve all that much over the next few months or weeks that he might have left, still fills me with feelings of sadness over how things could have been different. It’s not about being angry now, because I’m not. It’s just sad.
Ok, this is how it started. Verwon on Twitter started a #TwitSingles hashtag. Seriously, you should check it out. http://verwon.com/vers-twitsingles-directory If you want to be added to her listing, follow her and let her know!
But… well, being a *little* older (cough, cough) than many Twitter users, I thought… why not one for us?
Being over 40 has it’s perks, after all. Kidnappers aren’t as interested in us, for one thing. In a hostage situation, we’re more likely to be released first. No one expects us to run into a burning building. Our eyes probably won’t get much worse. Our brain cells have been reduced to a manageable size. Our wild oats are, well… mostly sown and grown up already.
Let’s face it, there just isn’t as much to learn “the hard way.”
But we haven’t slowed down too much. I said earlier today that if you look at age in terms of speed limit, I’m just starting to get somewhere!
We’ve learned from our mistakes already and now we’re content to watch others and just learn from their mistakes, if we haven’t done it already. Chances are we have.
And hey, we can date someone half our age and not worry about breaking any laws.
So here’s the deal. If you’d like to be listed on my #over40TwitSingles page, let me know! And, a follow for me Netgrrl would be a nice touch, if you aren’t already.
So in the spirit of fun, I’ll go first.
@netgrrl Definitely over 40. Single and my children are grown and have flown the coop, thank the dogs. Addicted to coffee, the Internet, social media, and my iPhone. Willing to trade the occasional flirty e-mail, text or with the right guy. (No nekkid pics, though, we did discuss the over 40 part already.)
But on a date, I do turn the iPhone off. We deserve each other’s undivided attention. I do occasionally sneak ninja pics first though, so be warned.
Don’t let me stay out here alone, ok?
Send me an @, follow me, let me know you want to be added and use the #over40TwitSingles tag, ok? I almost always follow back, unless you’re a spammer trying to sell me aluminum siding!
@littlebird67 is a good friend with a great sense of humor, caring, creative and thoughtful — and single!
@ScissorHands2 is soon to be officially single in a few weeks, awesome to hang out with - and she only uses the scissors to cut hair.
When one has lived a long time alone,
one refrains from swatting the fly
and lets him go, and one hesitates to strike
the mosquito, though more than willing to slap
the flesh under her, and one lifts the toad
from the pit too deep to hop out of
and carries him to the grass, without minding
the poisoned urine he slicks his body with,
and one envelops, in a towel, the swift
who fell down the chimney and knocks herself
against window glass and releases her outside
and watches her fly free, a life line flung at reality,
when one has lived a long time alone.
Fondren (an artsy rejuvenated section of Jackson) has an event once a month on the first Thursday of the month. Businesses stay open late, have food, music and sometimes giveaways or drawings. They do this once a month, always the first Thursday of the month. It’s always fun, but it gets so crowded that parking is always a problem.
The weather faired off nicely after the thunderstorms earlier. It’s turned a little cool as dusk fell, but it was still very nice. My main reason for going was that Buck Winter, of winterspell.com, had his open house for his photography show at Cups. So I met Buck & Chris there. I don’t often get a chance to hang out with them these days, so that was especially nice.
I spent most of my time at Cups, but I also walked around a bit, the art gallery, and Rainbow Co-op.
The art gallery is always a treat to the eyes, with a lot of things to see. You have to let your eye adjust before you can really “see” any one particular painting, otherwise it’s all just too overwhelming.
The Computer Co-op had a drawing for an Acer netbook. If I’d won that, I’d have started this blog entry with the news. But I did win a 2gb flash drive.
I picked up a small three-cheese pizza from Pizza Shack. There was an impressive collection of cop cars there and they were all gathered on the deck. I’m not sure why, but I wasn’t about to take a photo of them.
@MMNMS 's ok. Just trying to find something b4 I have to downgrade quality of the dog's food. LOL Cat's are already on catnip restriction. in reply to MMNMS1 day ago
Cool & 
Surprised
Confused & 
Sad
Flirtatious
Dog & 
Happy & 
iPhone
Fondren (an artsy rejuvenated section of Jackson) has an event once a month on the first Thursday of the month. Businesses stay open late, have food, music and sometimes giveaways or drawings. They do this once a month, always the first Thursday of the month. It’s always fun, but it gets so crowded that parking is always a problem. 
The weather faired off nicely after the thunderstorms earlier. It’s turned a little cool as dusk fell, but it was still very nice. My main reason for going was that Buck Winter, of 
The art gallery is always a treat to the eyes, with a lot of things to see. You have to let your eye adjust before you can really “see” any one particular painting, otherwise it’s all just too overwhelming. 
I picked up a small three-cheese pizza from Pizza Shack. There was an impressive collection of cop cars there and they were all gathered on the deck. I’m not sure why, but I wasn’t about to take a photo of them.
